Grief Exploration
Loss of Friendships
A tale of 3 losses
Written 9/14/2020
We can grieve over many things. Most people fixate on the death of a loved one at first. Do you know that you can grieve over more than just a loss of life?
Have you ever felt depressed at a job loss? Have you ever struggled when you were infirm or laid up from being unable to use an injured body part? What about that friendship you miss?
This blog post highlights 3 tales of friendships - all anonymously real. I believe that by telling these stories, they may reflect a shard of a painful friendship in your past that you would like healing around.
Friendship Example #1
I entered into this friendship as an adult. I was divorcing. #1 had gone through a divorce. I felt at ease and able to share on an intimate level. We bonded over similar activities and personal histories.
She was beautiful, intelligent and wounded. I intuited that a few cycles were at play - alcoholism and I suspected that #1 was the victim of physical and psychological abuse.
Her partner escalated drama. After things simmered down, we met up to talk. I voiced my concern over her safety and sobriety.
I wanted to help. I was her friend.
#1 chose to abandon our friendship for her marriage.
I still feel sad over the loss of this friendship.
I miss her.
I continue to pray for her wellbeing.
Now, I understand that by witnessing her pain, the friendship would continue to wound me too. Any wound inflicted upon her- I empathetically felt. I could also see my old wounds from an abusive relationship reflected. I could not bear it.
Dear Friend, let me be the one you lean on as you are clawing your way out of this suffering.
It still leaves me aching.
Air steals from my lungs.
My heart aches.
Tears burn and well up.
Friendship Example #2
Childhood friend. You have known me at my most innocent and unfiltered. I could be myself around you. We shared so much - homes, mothers, siblings.
You saw conflict when I never did.
I believe you felt slighted.
I was insensitive - perhaps blind, but I have never functioned with intentional ulterior motives.
A deep thread of jealousy?
Every time we reconnect, we pick up where we left off. It is as though no time had passed in between visits - although its been years.
Maturity, immaturity. We carried our friendship from the bowers of innocence to the perversity of adolescence. Our adulthood skewed and unsteady.
I fear now, I haven’t reached out due to Pride - has it been too long?
Do I need to apologize and be bestowed forgiveness?
Perhaps.
Maybe not.
I’d like to imagine that we would just pick up right where we left off.
Just like we returned to play and picked up our Barbies after snacktime.
Ahhhh… “Where were we…?”
Friendship Example #3
Another childhood friend - the bad influence.
In middle school, my parents made me stop being friends with #3. She had been getting into trouble. More than I knew about. I was so confused because #3 never acted “BAD” with me. My parents made me call her and break up with her over the phone. It was awful. The feeling still makes me physically nauseous and sick.
Several years ago, in my adult life - we ran into each other in a parking lot of all places. Let me tell you, the rekindling of our friendship as adults has been a beautiful thing. We both feel nourished and sustained by our continued connection.
Now, I’ll ask you, Dear Reader…
Do you see yourself in these stories of friendship?
What are the lessons?
Do you need to process or unpack your feelings about friendships?
What comes up for you after reading this post?